First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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