theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
