i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
