I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It was confusing and full of hummus
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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