I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
