we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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