my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
