ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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