I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
