I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
