What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
