NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
