YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How's work?
Spinning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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