Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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