is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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