WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
