I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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