Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
