you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
