We're like a lot better than the average bears
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
