so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
