omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
