So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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