I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
