Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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