The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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