When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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