found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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