Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is classic penis vs brain.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
