They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
