i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
