we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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