We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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