So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
