I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
