Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
