blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
