I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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