Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she peed on how many people?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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