Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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