Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
