Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
