i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
