I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
