Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he shaved USA in his pubs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
