My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
