i think my tv is drunk
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
