He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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