I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
