So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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