i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
