You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
