Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
