Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish you could order shots online.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
